Motivation

I have been having a difficult time getting motivated over the past month or so, for a number of reasons, mainly because I've been feeling down and thus distracted and in my own head.  Strangely, the thing that has started pulling me out of my funk is the overwhelming process of grad school research.  The more research I have been doing into getting a Masters degree in International Development, the more I've realized how much work I need to do and that my intent focus on studying in Australia was fairly myopic and not very well thought out.  It turns out that the decision that would make the most sense, in terms of time and money, would be to get my masters in England.  One year studying instead of two, no application fees, significantly cheaper tuition, and the option of converting a student visa into a work visa upon graduation.  I was so intent before on Australia that I wasn't researching schools elsewhere and this just made me remember how determined I was at the age of 17 to go back to southern California that I wouldn't even consider looking anywhere else for college.  And the result of that was Pepperdine, which, while not a decision I regret, certainly wasn't a school to which I was well-suited or an appropriate fit for my personality.  This time around, I need to think of every facet of this decision, especially fiscal responsibility, and it looks like the UK is it.




The sudden spurt of energy researching all of these programs and figuring out where to apply for school has really been driving home how unmotivated I've been in so many other areas of my life.  I've started reading a lot more; still not as much as when I was younger, but more than I have in the last 5 years.  I am keeping my house more clean and trying to do better at staying in touch with people via Facebook and e-mail.  Next on the list is physical activity:  I am in such terrible shape at the moment and I can tell that if I don't start exercising soon I am really going to regret it.  This one is going to be the hardest, but I need to figure out a way to get it done.  Winter is coming soon and if I'm not in some kind of routine before it gets literally freezing outside, it's going to be 10 times harder for me to get myself out of the house.

I also honestly feel that if I can feel good about what I'm doing with myself in the evenings after school, I will better be able to tolerate this job I am saddled with until April.  Every week I find myself increasingly more dejected, an attitude which I think culminated this week in me finally yelling at my 1-4 class because of their complete and utter disrespect toward me and Mrs. Jun.  I was just so furious.  I've already given up trying to create actual materials or lessons for most of my classes, since they just shout and destroy things anyway.  But I don't want to feel like I did in Best Buddies, where I hated my job so much that it impinged on every other area of my life.  I can't let it get to that point again.  It's time to focus on the things I can have an effect on, which is my life outside of these school walls.

BUT... if I could leave for grad school tomorrow, I would do it in a second.  Just sayin.